Have faith

I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. I was the typical girl as a child. Baby dolls and pink! A lot of my playtime involved being a stay-at-home mommy while my husband was a lawyer, doctor, or any other profession that involved money...what can I say? Anyway, I would "give birth" to my babies, make them birth certificates, give them beautiful names, get them baptized (did I mention I was also the preacher?) and then I would take care of them. I think there was even a short period of time that I turned my mom into a doll babysitter.

I am 30 now and still have not had children. I believe that God has a plan and that he hasn't yet deemed it time to bless me in that way but that doesn't reduce my yearning. And it doesn't help that it seems people all around me are pregnant or have just delivered. A dear friend just had a handsome little boy and a high school friend was just blessed with a daughter. I am going to a 1st birthday party this weekend as well.

Now don't get me wrong. I do not wish to belittle these blessings for my friends. I am just describing my yearning. This post is aimed at believing that God will provide, but in His own time. And he may never provide for me the way I want Him too. Instead of biological children, he may at some time provide me with children we adopt. Or he may send me into the path of becoming a foster parent. That has crossed my mind before. Maybe he just wants me to be the best auntie I can be and work with children through my church, as I do now teaching Sunday School. I cannot say what His will is at this time but that does not mean I cannot continue to hope that he will bless me with a child brought forth from my womb. However, until that day I will keep believing in and worshipping my God. I will continue to try and follow the path that I believe he has set for me and trying to live by example to others in my life. I really hope I am setting a good example.

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. Phillipians 4:13

Something to think about

"If we thanked God for all the good things, we wouldn't have time to complain about the bad."

A dear friend gave me one of those little flip calendars* with daily inspirations on it for my birthday in May. The above quote was yesterday's inspiration and boy did it make me think! I, for one, certainly do a lot of complaining. I complain about the heat, the dog hair, bad drivers (yes it is them and not me!), rude people in the grocery store...the list goes on and on! However, I don't praise God enough for my blessings. The fact that I have air conditioning, my 4 healthy dogs, that I have a car and do not have to sit in the heat waiting for the bus, that my mother taught me to polite to everyone around me...that list goes on and on as well. So I think I need a change of attitude. I am not saying that today I am going to magically not yell at the moron nice person in front of me acting like they have never driven before or that I will never again say it is sooooooo hot! But I am really going to try to think about my actions and words. And I am going to try to be more positive and spend more time thanking God for what I have been blessed with - instead of complaining about the "terrible" things in my life...which aren't so terrible compared to the plight of others.

Has anyone else ever felt this way? If so, what kinds of things have you done to change your behavior? Just wondering...


*Barbara Johnson's Daily Splashes of Joy

This And That

I am feeling a little out of sorts. Summer is flying by and so my Summer class is almost over. The final is a week from Monday. I then start an online Intersession class followed by 6 hours in the fall. All of this while working full-time and trying to decide whether or not I am going to take a temporary job in the fall. You see, the past two years I have worked as a ticket taker for the University of Oklahoma. I actually enjoy it even if it only pays minimum wage. You get to see all types of people (people watching at its best!) and you even get some time to enjoy the game. However, I just feel like there is so much already on my plate. On the plus side, the hubby said that instead of putting the money in savings like I have been doing I should cash the checks, put them in a clothing envelope and then go shopping! I think I will probably save them all up and get some new shoes...if I decide to work the games. There are several negatives to not working them. 1. No new shoes (or not the good, expensive kind). 2. Once you have worked 3 seasons you could become a supervisor the next year which is more pay. 3. I would have to watch the games on TV and sometimes you can't beat watching from the stands...even if it is only for a few minutes. I only have a few more weeks to make up my mind because it won't be long until they start taking the apps for this season.

Another thing that has been on my mind is my faith. I know what I believe. I believe in God, His Son and the Holy Spirit. The problem I have been struggling with is feeling God's presence in my life. I know He is there but sometimes I wish I could see him. I know that I can "see" him in the flowers and the bees and the trees and in the miracles that are my family but sometimes I wish I could see Him right in front of me...even as a burning bush. I find myself struggling to want to go to church - not because of my church family - for reasons that I will not share on a blog. Normally, Eric and I teach Sunday School, but I had to take some time off from that. We have been doing it for two years straight. We took the summer off but our Children's Director is asking when we are coming back and I am not sure I want to. However, we promised we would be back so back we will go. I guess the first Sunday of August is as good a time as any. I think I just don't feel worthy of God's love and maybe that is why I can't feel him.

Well that is enough of that for today. Now for an exciting moment! One of my dearest friends in the whole world gave birth to her 2nd child Saturday and he is so handsome! Congrats to the new family of four and love to you all! :-)