Unsure

I hate being unsure. I have been unsure about one thing in particular for months (maybe even a year) now, but today I was given information needed to make my decision. It doesn't make it any easier but it is not anything I wish to discuss in a public forum. However, the decision has been heart wrenching and I wrote this poem today to express how I feel and to remind myself that no matter what I am feeling I know that God's presence will help me to find the strength to move on. (Please understand as you continue that I am no poet.)

I'm drowning in a sea of deception.
Another wave of lies overtakes me.
I scream for help but no one is there,
At least no one that can see me.

And then His hands are upon me,
He gives me strength and hope.
I feel his peace, love and truth
And know that I have an invisible rope.

I want to dwell in Him,
For my whole life through.
I want to be His shining light
And live as His Son taught me too.

It's a little raw, and I am not completely sure it is finished but it just poured out of me today and I wanted to share it. I am sure everybody feels this way at some point so maybe, just maybe, this will help someone.

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. ~ Philippians 4:13

I am always held!

I have something going on in my life that has proved to be more of a mountain than a molehill. I am trying to praise God for the trials he gives us, but that is easier said than done! Then a dear friend posted this blog and got me to thinking. I have blessings all around me and all I am focusing on is the negative. This thought led me to thinking about a song that says it all. God never said he would shelter us from all evil. He never said we wouldn’t face the death of a loved one or the loss of a job or any other scary and sad things that come our way. He did, however, promise to hold us in His hands while we grieve. We just have to remember to praise him through it all. Like in Facing the Giants (a great movie if you haven’t seen it) – we will praise him when we win and we will praise him when we lose. Below are the lyrics and they have made me feel immensely better as did my best friend’s blog! Love ya girl!


Held sung by Natalie Grant


Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our Savior
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
[Repeat Chorus]